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Alex Hate

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12 days till 24 [07 Dec 2010|11:29pm]
should be studying for final but instead i am fucking around and thinking about buying gear. I am no longer looking forward to my trip to atlanta. People i am not excited about seeing apparently will be there and interrupt my original plans to hang out with other individuals. This seems more and more like a bad idea. Hoping i can figure out some way to get out of this. The upside is maybe I can kill these friend ships when i go up there and in the long run save more money.
a single thought

[21 Jul 2010|10:54am]
lets see if i can get this up and going again. starting tomorrow.
a single thought

[29 Jan 2010|03:30pm]
i want to kill myself. each day i find more energy and less fear. i am becoming to bored with this world.
a single thought

[29 Oct 2008|10:56pm]
Destin i am going to be hanging out with you this sunday until wednesday morning. Any one down for hanging out?
a single thought

[07 Jul 2008|05:55am]
[ mood | anxious ]

holy fuck i am losing my mind i am losing my mind i am losing my mind.

i have work at 1030 i have been up for almost 24 hours and i cant go to sleep because of this anxiety attack that is coming and going in waves. i couldn't party tonight because of an upset stomach and it just seems to get progressively worse. i have to work a 10 hour shift tomorrow with people i really fucking hate and am contemplating just walking out as soon as i get the slightest bit pissed off because i will be tired and cranky as shit.

the free time with probably be used to look for a psychiatrist

3 disastrous effects | a single thought

girls rub on your titties [12 Jan 2008|10:11pm]
[ mood | cynical ]


a quikc run down

Five 12AX7 preamp tubes
Four 6L6GC power tubes
120 Watts RMS

I plan to make some changes with it.

add an extra tube that way it has 6 12ax7 tubes like the peavey plus

secondly change the logo of the 5150 to a similar plate that says hate and have it change color like the peavey ultra plus

and change the color of the leds to blue instead of red and green

a band would be so easy to form right now if i could just find kids who were down

times on my side what do you got

2 disastrous effects | a single thought

[15 Dec 2007|07:15pm]
i am so fucking stressed out.

all i want in life is to get an amp so i can start a band. but hte worse part is, is that even if i get the amp i dont have any friends that i would like to start a band with or at least around me at this current time.

every time i get close the amp falls through for some bullshit reason.

i need to pay off my debt.

i need to make some friends i am tired of hanging around my house alone


i dont want to result to alcohol and drugs to fix my problems
3 disastrous effects | a single thought

long time and still in misery [26 Nov 2007|01:16am]
[ mood | tired ]

i have been feeling really lonely as of late

i have people i can talk to and i have a few friends 90% of whom are out of town and i never get to see in person and its starting to make things very debilitating.

i have know one that enjoys a lot of things i do on the same level. no true comradeship or relation.

i found out that the new dystopia album is coming out in january.

i didnt know a single person i could share my excitement with.

i dont know any one i could call and go hey man lets hang out and do something. its starting to become to much.

i am also getting pissed that i cant get an amp to save my life. i finally have money now but eBay auctions have become insane and everything else falls through left and right.

i want an amp and friends.

life is so boring with out these things

4 disastrous effects | a single thought

[10 Oct 2007|07:20am]
so i have had this thing for 4 years and looking through the journal entries i can see quite a change in personality and writing methods.

i have a test in about 5 hours which i am feeling ok about. then i work.

i have become accustomed to going to sleep at 9-10 area and waking up at 6 or 7

i look forward to cuddling and taking a xanex this winter.

it will feel good to just chill out.

i promise such a better entry soon
a single thought

integrity wont keep you save and warm [13 Sep 2007|04:08pm]
[ mood | sad ]

i am trying really fucking hard to get a job and every time i call the cock sucker manager to see if he has made his decision on whether or not he can hire me, he keeps saying

he still has yet to make a decision: its been 3 days since he was suppose to have made a decision

I am 1 out of 3 candidates: i guess that is something to be stoked about

He keeps reducing the amount of time he was planning on having the new position work: originally it was full time, then dropped to 30 hours, now has dropped to 20. He asked how many hours i wanted to work and i told him full time and he is like well ehhh thats not going to work because its been dropped down to 20 and i pretty much had to tell him look dude you dont get it, i am fucking jobless i just need a job regardless if it is 20 hours

what a cunt.

some one please fucking hire me.

i thought all the job interviews went fantastic but either i am not old enough my driving record is fucked, the managers are fuck heads, or every one is hiring at the minimalist hours some one can be employed.


what do i need to do?

i bring in a rather nice resume something i have been complemented about
i know sales like its the back of my hand: i have been told by managers who have done the interview that i am the sort of person they are looking for because i have the experience and am familiar with the products they need to sell
i apparently answer questions correctly: they laugh say great answer wow i have never heard that before that is a really great way to have handled that situation.
My references check out: i made sure to build some serious alliances before i left a job and listed those people being the potential hirers to call.

I am so fucking frustrated. i have enough money to pay off bills for this month but as soon as next month comes around i am fucked and i havent told my parents yet that i lost my last job.

i am even applying at fast food restaurants and places that are suppose to be easy as fuck to hire but its like for some reason i am missing that certain something

3 disastrous effects | a single thought

[26 Jul 2007|10:55am]
So my computer class is a complete waste of time and it is pissing me off. Its extremely basic stuff so i normally jsut sit around bored doing nothing.

I met a girl recently and i am sort of into her. I mean she is pretty and i really want to hook up with her but i think thats all she really has to offer. She is too niaeve to really form anything constructive or intruiging or at least she has shown. cant really get her alone to talk to her.

this journal entry is boredom
2 disastrous effects | a single thought

[28 Jun 2007|11:01am]
[ mood | anxious ]

I am feeling really anxious, paranoid, and clausterphobic.

i constantly have nightmares involving a friend in tallahassee normally resulting in them being fine but being involved in acts such as porn or getting back into coke and it greatly upsetting me (the wierd part is in person if they were to do these things i wouldnt mine or really wouldnt put it pass them).

I also have this feeling as if something needs to be accomplished but i cant figure out with the something is.

A vacation with good friends to a new place with even newer people would be fucking awesome.

I have made some solid friends in tallahassee and have been out every night doing stuff but i feel as if i am getting trapped into some sort of routine or missing out on other people and possible adventures. The only downside to this being that when i dont hang out with the people i usually end up doing nothing but sitting at home or going on really akward walks around town.

Money needs to be saved for a trip to europe, outwest, sofla, or up north.

I feel trapped

a single thought

WHAT SHOULD I DO ABOUT SLAYER [04 Jun 2007|11:11am]
[ mood | annoyed ]

so i am faced with a dillema.

slayer will be playing with marilyn manson and i will be attending this show.

the best part is, slayer will be opening for marilyn manson so i dont have to watch that fuck head perform. because of this i am torn as well.

i figure that if slayer has to open for manson, they may not get as long or as epic of a set as they most likely would headlining their own tour. then again (please keep in mind this is a bad example) the first concert i ever went to green day opened up for blink 182 and green day totally out did blink(the band i was going to see) it was not even funny. Over all i am not worried about slayer out performing manson because i know it will happen.

My main concern is wether i should purchase an 88 dollar ticket so i am up front and center with slayer to watch them shred, or for the sake of financial reasons and not quite getting the full force of slayer should i just go a head and chill in the stadium seating for 35?

6 disastrous effects | a single thought

[31 May 2007|12:15pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

Dimmu Borgir Sucked REALLY BAD. They have an awful live performance.

Bar Hopping around orlando was a lot of fun how ever.

Because of the current strains i have been putting on my body, such as lack of sleep, poor eating habits (skipping meals), constant drinking, and a million other things i am so fucking stressed out and just over whelmed.

i feel extremely uncomfortable and dont want to really be near people at this moment unless it were to receive a much needed hug.

I cant handle living at the new apartment. It is so small and just makes me feel extremely clausterphobic and trapped.

After i get some shit taken care of in health class. I spend all night and i mean all night staying up till 4 in the morning maybe cleaning up my old house so i can have my deposit back. I am pretty sure my room mates have done nect to little or nothing to get any of this done

when does life quit being disappointing

a single thought

[29 May 2007|10:28pm]
so i just spent 29.00 dollars on a concert ticket

the band i am going to see

dimmu borgir in orlando

.....i am a dumbass

at least i get out of town
3 disastrous effects | a single thought

[28 May 2007|10:55am]
[ mood | blah ]

It has been a while since i have posted an entry so here we go.

I am currently in the process of moving to a new place in tallahassee. I am extremely bummed out about the situation do to the fact that i will be A. spending more money for a smaller room B. its on the outskirts of town C. my room mate smokes inside of the place and D. i have heard from some one that he has recently become a cokehead. On the positive side he does happen to own a messa boogie dual rectifier and peavey ultra plus that he said i would be able to use when ever i want so maybe with the sweet equipment i can get a really awesome band going which seems to be happening. Despite the perks of getting to use really nice equipment i hope to be moved out of his palce by august and aquire a single bedroom apartment so i do not have to deal with any one. Room mates for the most part suck unless they are some good friends but even then i like living by myself so i can clean up my own messes at the time i feel is right instead of having some one breathing down my neck or have situations where i have to walk on egg shells as not to piss the other person off.

I have also aquired a fake id and must say its been a huge success. It is a real id and the kid looks like me just enough that i get into clubs no questions asked banded and get to have a good time. I really enjoy going out dancing and having some one make me drinks even if it is for how ever many dollars. Another perk is girls really like the idea that you are 21 or older.

Returning to the subject of moving out i really need to get everything taken care of today so i may clean up this loveable shit hole in hopes of regaining my deposit back. My landlord is being a complete and utter asshole about everything. He called the cops on us saying that we were destroying the house. The best part about that situation is that i was asleep when they came to the house and because we had both doors open, apparently it is tallahassee protocol to assume that the house is being burglarized so they were walking around the house with guns in hand looking for suspects. Its fun waking up and opening a door and having a loaded gun pointed to your head and having some one scream "GET YOURS HANDS UP!!GET YOUR HANDS UP!!!".

A quick list of things i need to accomplish
+get second job
+finish micro economics paper
+get started on health notes
+clean house
+buy a planner

I think i am going to get a tattoo soon. does any one know some really talented artists?

3 disastrous effects | a single thought

[13 Apr 2007|01:01pm]
saw blood brothers last night. not a bad show but wasnt one of the best. would have been better if they played more songs from the burn piano island burn album and less from the newer ones. i was surprised as to how many kids showed up.

half to study a shit ton for finals and write some papers should be fun

a kid told me i am really abrasive

a single thought

[26 Mar 2007|12:42am]
so i have a huge thing for the american express centurion card also known strictly as the black card. for those of you unaware the centurion card is a black american express card made out of titanium which only 10,000 people in the world are wealthy and deemed worthy enough to possess one. It pretty much entitles the owner of the card to the ultimate title of bad ass.

well while at work today some one who decided to check out of the grocery co op i work at presented one. I nearly came. It had to be one of the coolest moments in my life. I told the person my excitement and they even let me held it and check it out. Those things are so fucking intense.

i think its a sign that i need to get one. ever since january when i first truley discovered about them i havent been able to get the idea out of my head and to actually have one presented to me that pretty fucking intense.

you can find more information about the centurion card at these links



the latter has some really sweet pictures
4 disastrous effects | a single thought

I am free [17 Mar 2007|12:53pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

i deleted my myspace account and hotmail account. i feel pretty good about myself

now all i have to do is work on getting into florida state business school

a single thought

[19 Feb 2007|06:21pm]
[ mood | cold ]

oh man where to start

free michael parenti lecture tomorrow at the fsu campus. I am so excited that i will be attending. I feel it will bring some excitement and well placed knowledge into my presence.

A funny thing is i ran into casper the old bass player or guitarist for the distillers at the beginning of february and she is completely out of her mind and her mom is five million times worse. apparently when she couldnt handle the distillers she high tailed it down here and it just strikes me as funny driving my car around and seeing her walk her dog down the side of the road.

I got a new pair of glasses and i must admit i am very impressed with them. If any one is buying a new pair any time soon i really recommend the uv coating. it makes life better.

tallahassee is becoming a bit of a pain in the ass. its hard to find a job and even harder to find a job that gives you 40 hours. right now i am only getting 21 hours at office depot and maybe a little more if some one calls in sick or they need me to stay longer.

i need to find a new place to live soon because my lease ends may 30th. i dont mind moving somewhere over the summer because i will not be attending school and will probably stay till spring classes start because i have not found a college that will allow me to take the classes i need in order to get my aa over the summer break.

2 disastrous effects | a single thought

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